Grief Quote - June 4th

“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Grief Quote - May 28th

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

― Leo Tolstoy

"It's Like Having A Broken Leg ..."

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

― Anne Lamott

Here is a great place to find quotes about grief and loss:  Goodreads - Grief Quotes

... and give it a voice ...

Allow Change to Happen ...

Having an End of Life Discussion

For many of us, it's difficult to have a talk with our family members about our "end of life" wishes.  We don't have to talk about it with them because, for some reason, we think that talking about it will:

• upset them (or upset us)
• make it happen faster
• make it more "real"
• make them think we are waiting for their death

We may think it's too soon to talk about death.  The truth is that it's never too soon.  The difference between a good death and a difficult death seems to hinge upon whether the dying person has shared their wishes.

Robby and I talked about our wishes, but (unfortunately) never in a very serious way.  Robby always joked that he wanted a black gospel choir to sing at his funeral.  He loved gospel music and grew up playing bluegrass and gospel, so it was an obvious choice for him.  Unfortunately we don't have any all-black churches or gospel choirs in the area.  But my daughter did find a recording of a gospel singer, Sister Rosetta Tharpe singing "Peace In The Valley."  We played it at Robby's service.




Knowing what kind of care your loved one wishes can make their passing much easier - for them and for you.  We (my daughters and I) were able to plan a memorial service that we knew would make Robby proud, from the music to the Marine Honor Guard to the BBQ and beer we offered at the get-together after the service.  We could picture him, watching the whole thing from heaven, smiling and laughing as we told stories and shared memories of him and all that he loved.

If you are wondering where to start, check out The Conversation Project.  Here you can find a starter kit that will help to break the ice, and make your discussion much easier.  You can also see what others have said about their final wishes.

It's never too soon to have a talk like this.  And it doesn't have to be a "grim reaper" talk.  Having these talks around the kitchen table, before the doctor's office or the emergency room, lessens stress for everyone.

What is something you would like to tell your family about your final wishes?

Six Small Steps to A Money Makeover

Here are a few more tidbits of information about managing our finances.  These can apply to anyone, widow or not.  Got them from the September 2012 of "O" Oprah Magazine.  I hope you find these helpful!  :)

Do This Now:

• "Electronic bills are great - unless they are lost in a crowded in-box.  Set up a separate e-mail account (e.g. alexa.bills@emailhostdotcom) to keep your e-bills orderly."  -  Alexa Von Tobel, founder of the personal finance Web site learnvest.com
• "Challenge yourself with a 21-day financial fast, during which you eliminate all spending except or the bare essentials.  Halting unnecessary purchases forces you to reflect on how much you consume."  -  Michelle Singletary, "The Color of Money" columnist for The Washington Post.
• "Stop delaying your savings!  So many women say they haven't done enough research to enroll in a 401(k) plan, but it's far better to act now and tweak your allocations later than to delay building any security at all."  -  Mary Caraccioli, host of We Owe What? on the Live Well Network.

Do This Soon:

• Step back and look at the big picture.  Fifty percent of your take-home pay should be allocated for essentials, 20 percent should go toward savings and debt, and 30 percent can cover everything else."  -  Alexa Von Tobel
• "Keep a spending journal for 30 days.  A month's worth of data makes it easier to see where you can cut back."  -  Michelle Singletary
• "Pick one intimidating financial situation - whether it's saving for a house or getting rid of your debt - and meet with a financial advisor.  You can find one through the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org).  A single session can put you on the right path."  -  Mary Caraccioli

What's your favorite financial hint?  Share it with us so we can all benefit.  :)