My youngest daughter had a rough time last year in school. It was a combination of several things, but the underlying reason was that she was still dealing with grief ... even though it was hard to tell that from how she looked or acted.
Her teacher said she always seemed happy enough to be at school, so she had a hard time accepting the fact that my daughter was actually suffering from some depression during the year. The teacher's request - have her tested for ADHD. Why do so many teachers just naturally go THERE?!?! Sure, my daughter was having trouble focusing at times in school, but her physician and two therapists both confirmed that this was NOT a child who was ADHD. It was grief. But the school and the school's Special Ed "specialist" didn't really buy into that. So last year was a little discouraging and stressful for both of us.
This year? Things seem to be on a totally different track. She's in 5th grade, with a more experienced teacher, who is disciplined yet makes it fun to learn. The change in my daughter has been great! I am sure her teacher is not the ONLY reason for the change; I know that my daughter has worked through much of her grief issues, and seeing a therapist a couple times a month has helped a great deal. But it's been great to see her begin to blossom again, and be encouraged about school again - instead of being beaten down each day, and come home with her shoulders slumped and a discouraged look on her face.
I guess my point in writing this post is this: kids you are grieving have different needs in the classroom, and teachers need to be able to understand the grieving process in kids and facilitate their learning during this time. It's not uncommon for kids who are grieving to be distracted; anyone who has grieved can tell you that it's hard work! It takes a tremendous amount of emotional and mental energy to cope with grieving the loss of a loved one AND to function as a normal person on a day to day basis. Add into that the stress of a classroom filled with kids and teachers who don't "get" what you're going through - and no wonder grieving kids seem "spacey" and "out of it" at times.
And the worst part was being told that, "It's been a year. She should be over it by now."
Grief is not experienced on a timetable. There is no fixed time limit for grief - we all grieve differently, and at our own pace.
If you are the parent of a grieving child, you may be called upon to be their advocate when it comes to the school system. Many schools are very helpful (and most try to be helpful) but you may need to educate a few teachers and administrators (and yes, even the occasional special education specialist) about how a child grieves, what is normal, etc.
Stand up for your child, and make sure that they aren't being unfairly labeled. Make sure that their needs are being met in the classroom. Don't be afraid to speak up!
And let me assure you - it does get better!
Oh, and just a side note: neither last year's teacher nor the Special Ed "specialist" are employed at my daughter's school this year. Both have moved on to other schools. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! But I know God did ... I have prayed that anyone who did not have my child's best interests in mind would be removed from her life. So ... prayer works, and now my daughter doesn't have to deal with either one of them this year. :)
(9/30/2013 - this post has been shared with :
