Slowing Down - Learning to Balance

It's been tempting to try to maintain our usual hurried pace this past year.  But I have learned a BIG lesson - we need to take time to heal, and that means slowing down.  If we are going to allow God to heal us individually and as a family we must give Him the time and space that He needs to accomplish that.  But you'd think I had never heard the verse, "Be still and know that I am God."  (Psalm 46:10)

I wonder if I have been running away from my grief, trying to bury it in a rush of activities?  You are supposed to try to maintain routines and schedules while you are grieving, to have a sense of normalcy after a tragic event.  This helps to stabilize us and gives us comfort.  But at times I think I have used that advice as an excuse.

I need to learn balance in this area.  I am just now (a year after Robby's death) realizing that I need to work at slowing down more often.  I guess I have always subscribed to the idea that you should "burn out instead of rust out."  Now I know that neither is a good option.

I have allowed Rachel and Becky more time and space to slow down than I have allowed myself.  I figured they would let their grief and subsequent healing guide how much they wanted to be involved in as far as activities, school events, family events, etc.  And that has worked very well.  They tell me when enough is enough, they don't feel like attending a certain event or activity.  Rachel used to take dance classes - every year for the past 3 years or so.  This fall when sign-ups came around she wasn't interested, so we dropped it and I didn't push.  Now that we are in summer vacation, she is asking what kind of sports or activities she can sign up for in the fall.  She needed this school year to get back some balance, and to push back from what may have been too much activity.

I haven't extended myself that same courtesy, it seems.  At least as far as guilt-ing myself into doing it all.  I have been trying to maintain the same pace as always, and feeling guilty whenever I didn't meet my own insane standards. 

I find myself now becoming more picky about the social activities in which I take part.  And I am (FINALLY) not feeling guilty about that.  Before, if I chose to turn down an invitation I would stay home - and feel guilty.  Now I can just stay home - and leave off the guilt.  Yeah for me!  I'm learning.  :)

I never used to get up early just to have time to myself.  But now I find I am enjoying getting up earlier and having a quiet house to myself, whether that's to read a chapter in a book or just enjoy a cup of tea - or both.  I am finding such a blessing in slowing down and taking quiet time just for myself.  The healing is occurring.  :)